Unspoken
by MaybeBaby27
Summary: We never talk about it. What we are. What we have. Because some things are just... better when they're left unspoken. One Shot.


14/12/2007 22:34:00

**This story is something different from my other stories in terms of storyline, ambiance, and perspective. It's OoC for both Derek and Casey and is AU in a sense. It leaves a lot unexplained but I hope that it confuses you in a good way as opposed to the 'this story is badly written' way. **

**Please tell me if it sucks. I'd pick getting 1 honest review over 100 sugar coated ones any day of the week. Telling me what was bad helps me to improve so you won't suffer the next time. ;)**

**I was listening to Breathe Me by Sia on repeat when I wrote this.**

**Disclaimer: I wish I had nothing to disclaim, but I do. LWD. Not mine.**

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It was never verbalized.

What we have.

What we are.

We never talk about it.

We talk about everything we could possibly think to talk about but we never talk about that. I know him better than I know myself and he always had a way of knowing what I was thinking and feeling before I did. I guess you could say he's my best friend, but that doesn't even begin to describe us.

It wasn't always like this.

When we met at 15, we hated each other. He thought I was a spoiled brat and I thought he was a selfish bastard. And to be honest, at that time, we were those things.

My entire world had just been dramatically changed for the second time in my life. After the divorce my mom turned into a serial dater. She had a different boyfriend every few weeks, and she would sleep with all of them on the first date. This is information I really wish I didn't have about my mother, but living in a small condo made her dating habits hard to hid.

I worried about my mother a lot in those two years between my dad and George. When she told me she was getting married again it shocked me that my first thought was that I'd rather she kept dating. I so selfish by that point I was more concerned with what I wanted than I was about her safety.

After being forced to leave my school, my friends, my house, and my hometown, I ignored the fact that my mom was finally happy in order to dwell on my own pain. I was angry and I felt as though I was entitled to get what I wanted for a change. The second the last box was unpacked at the Venturi's, I started planning and acting on what I felt would ensure my happiness.

And Derek being who he was, of course, shot that all straight to hell. He had gotten used to being in control and running things. George was a good guy, but when Abby left him, he shut down. Derek had had to take over as father figure for Edwin and Marti. He would make their meals, get them ready for school, find babysitters for them when he couldn't watch them himself. He was forced to become an adult at 12.

A few weeks after George met my mom, something snapped George back into reality. He saw how he had been neglecting his children and he took over again. Derek still resents him for that. For just deciding to be a father again without even acknowledging what Derek had done for his siblings.

After having the weight of caring for two children lifted from his shoulders, it was Derek's turn to shut down. He stopped thinking about pretty much everything but himself. He said that when George started caring for Edwin and Marti again, it felt like he had had his children stolen from him. He had been taking care of them for 3 years mostly by himself and now he was just supposed to go back under his father's command.

The day he shared all this with me is the first time I realized I was in love with him.

I don't even know how it all started exactly. Our relationship as it is now. In the beginning we just fought. We were both very angry with our lives and our parents and we used our 'hatred' for each other as an outlet for that anger. But as the months went on, our fighting slowed and we become something more akin to acquaintances, which eventually turned into us being confidants. Instead of fighting with each other to release our frustrations we started talking about them. It's amazing what can happen when you stop shouting and start listening.

On the day of our parents one year anniversary, I flipped back to the first entry of my journal, which had been written on their wedding day. Since Derek had a tendency to be the spotlight of my entries, I was curious to see how much my opinion of him had changed over the course of the year. At that point we were somewhere between the acquaintances and friends stage in our relationship and I actually told him some of the things I had written about him. We laughed about it.

Talking about how much our opinions of each other had changed over one year lead to a deeper conversation. That day was the first day we shared really personal information with each other. I don't even remember what it was anymore, but it meant a lot to me that he finally opened up.

I've done the journal thing every year for the last 10. I go back and read through how much my relationship with Derek had changed. It's strange, but over the course of a decade we had gone from fierce enemies to being unable to get through the day without talking. The change in the last 4 years hasn't been as drastic as the previous 6 though. Dating and getting engaged to someone outside of the two of us would do that.

About a month before the wedding I was walking alone in the park at night and I saw a couple looking at the stars. They were just laying on the ground, a bright yellow blanket under them, silent together as they looked up at the sky. It made me think of Derek. The way we could be so comfortably silent about something so huge.

Twenty minutes later I found myself knocking on the bright red door of his apartment. He pulled it open, clearly shocked by my presence since I had told him earlier that I was going out of town. We didn't say anything to each other, not even a hello. He just stepped aside, making room for me to walk in. When he turned around our eyes locked and we just stood there silently staring at each other for the longest time. I always found it strange that we could talk about anything (and I mean absolutely anything) with each other but the only way we could talk about what we meant to each other was with our eyes. We always did this. We'd have long verbal conversations, then equally long visual ones. But something about the way we were that night—it all felt different.

I don't know which of us moved first or if we both moved at the same time, but suddenly my lips were locked with his in a desperate kiss and he was pulling me into his bedroom.

We spent 6 days together in bliss. The convenience of a Fiancé being out of town on business for two weeks reassuring us that our passion would remain solely between us.

I think it's interesting that we spent every second of those 144 hours together but we still never managed to talk about anything important. We always talked nonstop, and now that we had finally given into what had been unspoken between us for years, we had nothing to say about anything. It sounds like it would have been awkward but it wasn't. Of course we did spend a majority of those 6 days in bed, so pretty much the only non-moaned out words were something along the lines of, "Chinese okay for dinner Case?" Or "Derek did you call your editor about missing yesterday's meeting?"

When I told him it was time for me to get back to reality, he gave me a look. A look very similar to the unspoken about one but holding more longing than ever before. We both knew that when I left his apartment, we would pretend that the last six days had never happened. We would go back to our 'best friends and nothing more' routine. We had no choice in the matter. We had waited too long and allowing ourselves to finally be together would mean losing a lot more than what would be gained.

He smiled at me from his place on the other side of his living room, the smile that I knew held all of the love he would only ever have for me. I took a deep breath and smiled back before I turned around and closed the door behind myself.

So now I'm here, thinking about Derek as I walk down the center aisle of a beautiful church, wearing an expensive dress that will never leave the back of my closet after today. I have my best fake smile plastered on my face and out of the corner of my eye I see that his smile is as much of a sham as mine is. It's funny how we both know that no one but the two of us realizes that we're not genuinely happy. I move my eyes away from Derek and catch Edwin looking at me. I smile at him and he smiles back. A smile that is so filled with regret and pity that now I think he knows how much this is killing me. Or is his smile fake only because this is killing him just as much as it is me? He is about to watch the woman he's been in love with for the last five years get married to someone else. When Edwin told me I was shocked to say the least, but I promised I would tell no one. That's the one and only secret I have ever kept from Derek.

As soon as my sister and I are standing next to each other at the front of the church, the minister begins speaking. "We are all gathered here today to witness and celebrate a union of two souls in matrimony. This is a blessed event that is not to be taken lightly. If anyone here today wishes to oppose this union, please speak now or forever hold your peace."

Taking a deep breath, I hold my tongue and look at the crowd before me.

Moving my gaze from Lizzie, to Edwin, and finally to Derek, the tugging on my heart increases with every passing second.

No one objects.

"Then I shall begin. Do you Derek Venturi, take Elizabeth McDonald, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health until death parts you?"

Staring into his eyes from behind my sister, I see the regret in them at what he's about to do. At what he has to do.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

"I do."

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End file.
